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Defeating Discouragement and Doubt

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“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.”

Vincent van Gogh

This quote never ceases to inspire and encourage me. It reminds me everyone experiences self-doubt and discouragement, and I am not alone in feeling it. Our friends experience it. Our family. Our coworkers and bosses. Our children. Our husbands. The strangers we pass by in the store. Even those people we see as successful. At one point or another, self-doubt has smothered us all.

 Are you experiencing self-doubt? Discouragement? Do you fear you will never be good enough or ever get to the place you are moving toward?

Me too.

Over the past month or so, doubt, discouragement, and fear have been my constant companions. They are there when I wake up and when I fall asleep. They’re there when I’m working and when I’m resting. They’re there no matter what I do or where I go. I can’t seem to shake them despite my various yet vain attempts. So, today, I decided to write a post about it.

First, we must find the perpetrator, the cause. Why do we become discouraged in the first place?

If we begin to look back at recent events, we may find what instigated the haunting. Maybe something didn’t go as planned. Maybe we received criticism or feedback that took a blow at our self-confidence. Maybe we’re burned out, tired, exhausted. Maybe we can’t see the way out.

For me, it was probably a combination of all those above and maybe it could be for you too. But whatever the reason, one thing is in common: We got to this point was because we cared so much about something (whether it be a dream, time, relief, hope) and we didn’t get it/it didn’t happen/it hasn’t happened yet.

Almost four years ago, I created this blog to document my time in South Korea and discuss what I was learning. I had recently discovered dreams could come true and I could do a lot more than I gave myself credit for. Since then, I have continued to work toward goals I believe God placed in my heart and never stopped pushing myself to keep growing and step out of my comfort zones. I pursued my dream teaching English in Asia and loved it. I then pursued my dream to dance in a Christian ballet company. After Covid, I returned to my hometown and began pursuing my biggest and most closely held dream: to be an author.

During the lockdown, I began to write again and decided to temporarily set aside my blog to focus on a project. I have been working on that project since. I recently received welcomed feedback on my project, but the problem was my confidence in my fiction writing is lacking. Hearing anything negative about it knocks me flat and discourages me instantly. I have since tried to tell myself that the feedback was necessary and helpful. I knew where my weaknesses were now and could focus my attention on growing in that area. I’d tell myself, “Some of the feedback was very positive and good. Why are you trembling over the negativities when they’re fixable?”

Yet, in spite of my attempts to pretend I was fine, I wasn’t. How did I know I wasn’t fine? Because since then I have lost joy in my writing which never failed to bring me joy before. I always loved every part of writing, even the hard parts. But the discouragement hit me so hard, I buckled under the weight. Inspiration and creativity drained out of me, and writing became sickening, hard, and painful. Everything I wrote was met by my unforgiving inner critic.

I knew my emotions were not affected by the feedback itself, but rather by me and my lack of confidence. I already was my greatest critic, so hearing someone’s honest feedback fed my inner critic and gave it ammunition. Suddenly, the voice that had been only a whisper before became shouts, and the inner dialogue tore me down.

It said:

“You can’t do this. You’re not good enough. You’re not smart enough. You won’t and can’t get any better. You’re stuck where you are and can’t overcome this. You will NEVER be good enough. Your dreams will wilt and shrivel. This is the end.”

Writing it out, I realize one thing: How overly dramatic our inner voice can be. Why would we listen to something so absolute when we have no idea how far we can go or how much we will change and grow over the years?

I knew why I was struggling to write. It wasn’t because I couldn’t. It was because my mind was saying I couldn’t.

The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.

Sylvia Plath

One thing I have learned is people can do amazing, mind-blowing things if we don’t limit them. We only go as far as our limitations. People may try to limit us and often do, but the most important limitations are those we place on ourselves. What are some limits you put on yourself?

“Our doubts are traitors,
and make us lose the good we oft might win,
by fearing to attempt.”

William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure

“Don’t let others tell you what you can’t do. Don’t let the limitations of others limit your vision. If you can remove your self-doubt and believe in yourself, you can achieve what you never thought possible.”

Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

We need to drop those limitations we are putting up and believe in ourselves. When we look at the great artists, inventors, philosophers, scientists, athletes, and anyone else we find successful, we can see they have all had limitations put on them. People told them, “You can’t do that. It’s not possible.”

Yet they ignored those voices, believed in themselves, and did it anyway. We can too, if we can first believe in ourselves… even if no one else does.

However, there is some good news. We are not the only person who believes in us. Someone else believes in us more than we ever could and always has. And that Someone is God.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Deuteronomy 31:8

Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31

Look at all these signs of God believing in us, encouraging us, and telling us He is always by our side to help us when the going gets tough. He is whispering, “Believe in Me. I am with you and will never forsake you. I will guide you and help you for all things are possible with Me. If you have faith even as small as a mustard seed, nothing will be impossible for you” ( Mark 9:23, Philippians 4: , Proverbs 3:5-6, Matthew 17:20, Matthew 21:22, James1:6, Romans 10:11, 1 Chronicles 28:20, Deuteronomy 31:6-8, Joshua 1:9, Hebrews 13:6, Matthew 19:26).

Don’t be afraid of your shortcomings. In fact, we should rejoice in them. It is in our weaknesses that God’s strength is seen.

 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1-3

What are some things holding you back? What are some limitations you believe? Begin some positive dialogue within yourself. Write out your doubts and fears and create a mantra to combat those thoughts. As an example, mine would be:

“I can do this. I am good enough. I am smart enough. I can and will get better. I can go far and accomplish my dreams. My dreams will thrive. This is only the beginning. With God, all things are possible. God’s power is made perfect in my weaknesses.”

 Say this mantra to yourself over and over until you believe it. Words have power. If you speak negatively, your attitude and circumstances will reflect it, and vice versa. Keep going and don’t let fear, discouragement, or doubt stop you.

“Discouragement is not the absence of adequacy but the absence of courage.”

Neal A. Maxwell

Good luck, my friends!

I would love to see the mantras people create for themselves. If you want, please comment it below or any advice you have in facing discouragement and doubt. I would love to hear from you! We’re all in this together!

—The Adversity Rose—

Kaitlyn Rose

DREAM. PURSUE. EXPERIENCE. GROW.

This blog will cover travel, pursuing dreams, and personal growth.

One Step at a Time

Kaitlyn Hong2 Comments

“Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.”

Chinese Proverb

In all the craziness of this year (and I feel no explanation is needed as we all know how crazy it has been), I have neglected my desire to write these blog posts. Honestly, I neglected it long before this year. I hit writer’s block especially hard in this season as life seemed to go on pause. We all know it really did not go on pause, but I found myself internalizing a great deal of things. I was stuck. I did not know which direction to go or why the direction I chose was not settling in my heart. It can be a hard thing to figure out how to do something you want to do or get where you want to be. I felt the same when moving to Korea had only been a desire and a thought. I felt it then, and I feel it now. I mentioned this two years ago, but I came to the realization that life will just keep passing on as it is unless I act. I have been trying to remind myself of this and keep myself on my toes so I don’t settle or settle in. I want to keep dreaming, growing, experiencing, and changing. Standing still cannot be an option unless I feel it is necessary for the next step.

However, I find I am back at this place where I am wondering, what next? I suppose this is life. We decide something, we do it, and then find ourselves wondering about our next steps. One good thing is I have millions of ideas and dreams whirling around in my mind and heart. However, those whirling dreams create in me this feeling of almost agitation—unrest. But not the type of unrest where I cannot rest rest. The type of unrest that is reminding me that people don’t grow in comfort zones. I want to keep pushing myself out of those comfort zones to force me to grow more.

Finding my way is hard though.

 I am not going to pretend it is easy to figure out the next step. It takes a lot of thought, a lot of prayer, a lot of action, and small steps. Since it has been quite a while since I have written a blog post (as mentioned before—writer’s block), maybe it is time for an update.

I danced in a professional ballet company this past season. It was a decision I thought and prayed a lot about and decided to act upon. I still believe it was where I needed to be in that season. But to be completely honest, it was hard. Harder than moving to Korea, harder than the struggles I faced in Korea. Now, do not misunderstand…the people were great, Oregon was beautiful, and it was a wonderful challenge. However, I found something just did not seem to sit well. I do not know yet why I was brought out there, but even if it was just to meet people, say some words, be a presence, or just to show myself professional ballet was not for me in this season, I know it was worth the difficulty.

But if that was not the right thing, then what was? I do love to dance a great deal and it has always had and always will have a deep and special place in my heart. My not returning in the fall to the company does not necessarily mean I am saying goodbye to dance, just might be going a different course or direction. Dancing professionally has made me truly realize how much time is needed to devote to the craft in order to do well and be the best I could be. And I began to recognize I did not love it enough for it to become a main focus in my life.

I have always known the amount of work it takes to dance professionally. When dancing professionally, you have to be dedicated, focused, and self-disciplined in order to maintain your ability and continue to grow. I thought maybe my love for dance and being able to use the gift for God’s glory would make all the work worth it. However, it did not feel that way at all. When I pictured my life continuing in that direction, I realized it was not direction I wanted my life to go, even if it would have been good and exciting and challenging. I wanted to pour my energy in other places—like writing, to name one.

 I realized this pretty soon into my time in Oregon, but I was determined to do my best and finish strong and learn what I could while I was there. Then, the coronavirus hit and changed so many plans. Quite suddenly, I found myself back home in Oklahoma, where I grew up. Over the next few months, I began searching inside myself, almost as if I was internalizing things or processing.

This internalizing and processing period has been taking a long time, but what has kept me going is focusing on the small steps towards the goals I knew I had–working a little at a time each day, each week towards achieving them. It can seem discouraging when the progress seems slow, but over time, you will see the results.

As an example, I have been de-cluttering my room, which was a horrendous mess after I moved back into it after being absent for two years. It seemed overwhelming and impossible, but step by step it has come a long way (I can walk around my room now). It is the same in every area in our life if we continue to take those steps even if they are small steps. Going forward consistently is better than stopping and going, as we see it the story of the Hare and the Tortoise.

On days when the progress seems too small, instead of despairing, I have been reminding myself daily, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Phil 4:13) and “I am capable of achieving those dreams. They are not impossible. Take it a step at a time.” And I will. How do we eat an entire elephant? One bite at a time. It is alright if you have to take it slow, just do not stop taking steps towards those goals. Set smaller goals to reach so the bigger goals are possible.

Reminding myself of this truly helps me and I hope it encourages and helps you too!

On the bright side, I have recently found a job and I’m excited about the job, but God has still granted me some extra time. I find myself wondering, “Why?” What should I do with the extra time given to me? How can I grow? How can I change? What should I continue to pursue? What dreams should I start taking steps towards?

I do not have the answers yet, but I know if I continue to take those small steps, I will reach it eventually.

Blessings to you from this little flower still learning how to bloom.

Here are some pictures from my journey back from Oregon.

—The Adversity Rose—

Kaitlyn Rose

DREAM. PURSUE. EXPERIENCE. GROW.

This blog will cover travel, pursuing dreams, and personal growth.

The Thief of Joy

Kaitlyn HongLeave a comment

“Why compare yourself to others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” –Anonymous

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When I was thinking about what to write, I found myself thinking of some successful people and how smart and creative they are and how they seem to be living “the life.” I realized the reason I often find myself stuck with creativity or in enjoying my life as it is right now is often because I am comparing—comparing myself to others or even to myself from another time. This, of course, brought to mind the famous quote everyone knows by Theodore Roosevelt (even if we didn’t know he was the one who said it): “Comparison is the thief of joy.” So, I decided this is what I will talk about today.

To tell you all the truth, as I began to write this, I found myself afraid to share. I’ve always cherished being honest and real. If someone asks me a question, I want to be as real and honest as I can. I feel we get nowhere pretending we are perfect or live perfect lives. So, instead of listening to my fear and not sharing, or sharing only neat pictures, I may get pretty real in this post. Because they say courage is doing something even if you are afraid. This actually ties in quite nicely with my last post on insecurities and comfort zones, now that I think about it.

We all deal with comparison. I have compared myself to others all my life. Often, I would find myself looking at other’s lives and being disappointed that I’m not like them. My comparison would notice something amazing and beautiful about them, and then follow with a negative about me. Examples: I am not as outgoing as them (I am too quiet), I didn’t get the ACT score they did and I had to take it a billion times to get it close enough to their scores (I must not be smart enough), they get asked to lead praise and worship and I don’t (because I’m too timid and quiet or not a good enough singer), they are given leadership positions (but I am not given any because I am not charismatic or able to lead), they got the dance part (but I didn’t because I am not as good as them), they got the recognition (which means I’m not as good at the job), they got the 4.0 award at graduation (but I, who got a 3.95,  must not be worth celebrating—I am lesser), everyone got odd awards (I never did because I’m too quiet that I am forgotten or not good enough), this person has the dream job (but I can’t have the dream job because I am not capable of achieving it). It leaves me believing lies about myself: I am dull, I am too timid, I am not smart enough, not creative enough, not pretty enough, not wanted, not admired, and not capable.

I also notice that, with each comparison, I’m dismissing any achievements I have gained. If I receive something, I follow with “Oh, it was just this once” or “Oh, but they got it three times” or “Oh, I will lose it because I am not good enough to keep it.” I don’t allow myself to appreciate myself or my achievements. I look at my friends’ 4.0s and think, “Man, I just got a 3.95.” (This is the perfect example of the silliness. I mean, seriously, it is a 0.05 difference!) I don’t allow myself to be happy with how I am or where I am at right now, even if I am accomplishing a dream I had.

I think about the quote “Comparison is the thief of joy” and I know it is true. It really does steal away joy. Many of us have also heard this quote by Steven Furtick: “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” We all know this, of course. We are all aware. Yet, we continue doing it anyways.

Although I find it hard to believe people would compare themselves to me and wish they were like me, some people have. They see my highlight reels, and wish to be like me. But I, just like most people, don’t share the hard parts or ugly parts of my life. So, I wonder, why such amazing people like them would ever want to be someone as helpless as me? You’d think that would help me to not compare myself to others, and yet, I still compare myself to them.

How do we stop comparing? How do we live life to the fullest, enjoying every season, and embracing where we are in our journey? We know everyone’s journey is different. Yet, we still think the grass looks greener on the other side, until we are on that grass and realize each blade of grass has its challenges. We become so aware of those challenges, that we forget we are living on the grass we always wanted to live on.

Comparison does not only steal our joy. It lies to us. It puts us down. It makes us feel someone else’s life is better. It allows us to covet what others have instead of being grateful for what we have. It puts our focus on the problems in our life rather than the good. Or it minimizes the good in our life.

“Don’t compare your life to others. There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time.” –Anonymous

“A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.” –Zen Shin

So, I am here to tell you (and myself) once again, do not compare your life to the highlight reels of someone else’s. You are an amazing person with great ideas. You are capable of achieving your dreams. You offer something unique and wonderful to the world. Maybe someone in your life is a sun or a rose, but that does not discredit you, the moon or the lily, from being any less amazing. Every person faces challenges. We may not always see them, but they are there. What makes the difference is whether the person allows those challenges to become the only focus or if they allow themselves to appreciate the good in their life. There is always something to be thankful for, even if your world is turned upside down. We just need to learn to see it.

Now, if you are like me, you didn’t believe a word of that last paragraph, but I encourage you to daily remind yourself of it. Keep telling yourself it, thinking about it, meditating on what God says about you, until you believe it. Don’t disregard just because you don’t believe it now.

I may not be The Bucket List Family (I know I’m not the only one who thinks their life seems so exciting and adventurous), but that does not mean I can’t live a life of adventure in my every-day life.
I have something to offer to the people around me, and I can live an adventurous life right now in the season I am in. Don’t disregard yourself before you begin.

 

Blessings to you from this little flower learning how to bloom.

—The Adversity Rose—

Kaitlyn Rose

DREAM. PURSUE. EXPERIENCE. GROW.

This blog will cover travel, pursuing dreams, and personal growth.

Growing is Uncomfortable

Kaitlyn Hong2 Comments

“We have to be honest about what we want and take risks rather than lie to ourselves and make excuses to stay in our comfort zone.”― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

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I don’t know if any of you feel the way I do, but some days I want to change and push to be the best version of myself, and other days—well… let’s just say I’d rather not. But not necessarily that I do not want the change. I do. I really do. It’s more like I find it exhausting and just want to give up. I often wonder, am I the only one who just wants to watch life go by, stay in her comfort zones, and stop trying?

I know for me I am often tempted to just stay the imperfect, flawed, and insecure girl I am who never tries to challenge herself to grow in any way. Someone makes me upset, I just take it out on them instead of forgiving and forgetting and moving on. I snap at someone who did nothing–psh, I am not going to apologize because my pride is more important than admitting wrong. I have a mountain of work I should do–I’ll just sit and do nothing and be lazy. People don’t say hello to me, I don’t say hello to them. People don’t talk to me, I don’t talk to them. It becomes this endless cycle until all you are thinking about is yourself and not allowing yourself to grow into a better person. Not allowing yourself to grow.

I have a vision of who I would like to be. This person is someone who is energetic, fun, bold, exciting, honest, real, kind, and hard-working. Someone who isn’t afraid to be themselves all the time. Someone who isn’t afraid of being very honest and real, but kind and warm. Someone who is really THERE in the moment and seeing people. Someone who isn’t consumed with herself. Someone who loves herself and who she is.

This is only a very small, itty-bitty, tiny version of the person I wish I could be. The person I know is too hard to become without the help of God. (Let me say—it seems impossible, but Matthew 19:26 says, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” So, maybe God can save this weak, self-centered person and help her to be the person He calls her to be.)

One thing I struggle growing out of are my insecurities. I know there are many people in the world who struggle with insecurities. Actually, everyone is insecure about something. Some insecurities are different. Some are the same. I, for one, struggle with so many insecurities. I often wonder if all insecurities come from something that happened in our past or if some insecurities just appear as people grow up. I cannot think of why I have my insecurities or where they originated from.
I just remember one day people were telling me I was quiet. And I started wondering how not to be quiet. However, I did not think I had anything to offer, so I did not want to open my mouth because I felt I had nothing to say. Since then, I have been in this swirling mess of hating being quiet, feeling stupid that I did not know what to say even though all my teachers my whole life said I have a lot to offer and needed to speak up more.

Suddenly, I was afraid of being unseen, unheard, forgotten, and that I would never be able to do anything I wanted to do because I was too afraid to do it. I prayed every day for years for God to give me boldness. Every year, I was further disappointed in myself.

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I have an actual memory of me thinking about how I wanted to go to Asia to teach English and live there when I was like thirteen or fourteen years old, but I was afraid of teaching. I did not know how I would do it. I did not know how I’d get over there. I was afraid that if someone told me I couldn’t, I wouldn’t go. I did not think I could travel alone. I did not think I could live alone in another country. I was not sure if I could stand in front of kids and teach. All of it terrified me. (This is just one example.)


Even now, I struggle some days with wanting to step out of my comfort zone to talk to people. I often feel like people think of me as this boring person who can’t make jokes, who can’t talk, and who would not be fun to be around. I feel awkward talking to people I don’t know well and even people I have known all my life. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to act. I feel silly, awkward, and ashamed that at twenty-four, I still am just a girl who listens to conversations and feels invasive if I manage to interject.

Every few months, I’ll be in my bed crying because it is uncomfortable to try to talk to people. It’s hard to say something when no one is expecting you to speak.  And I want to give up trying to grow. Because growing is uncomfortable.

One thing I learned is that if you try to do something outside your comfort zone, often you feel excited that you successfully stepped outside it for once. You feel victorious. And if you are like me, you want to hear someone say, “Good job, Kaitlyn! You did a great job sharing your thoughts even though you did not want to.” Or “What you said may have seemed juvenile to you because it sounded different outside of your brain, but it really was not! I enjoyed hearing your perspective!” or “Wow! You started a conversation with a complete stranger and had a decent conversation! Way to go!” However, that step, which may have felt like a huge accomplishment to me, actually may have looked small or insignificant in others’ eyes. So, I would feel joyful that I actually said a sentence or two in class discussion, but then get confused or discouraged when, again, my evaluations say I needed to speak up more. I thought I did speak up more. I tried so hard to say those two sentences.

It’s a little funny to think about it now, but also helps me remember to not get discouraged just because someone did not see the effort it took you to step out of your comfort zone for that brief moment. It helps remind me to keep trying. Maybe, one day, the difference will be so big that someone will notice. Maybe, one day, you’ll find yourself further than you ever thought you would be and doing things you thought you never could do. Trust God with the process even if it is uncomfortable and hard. Don’t give in to the voice in your head that says, “I can’t do it. It’s too hard. I’m done trying. People will just have to deal with it.”

It is so hard some days to fight that voice and not curl up into my turtle shell. It has always been hard. Especially in unfamiliar territories. In South Korea, I remember struggling with it, but then deciding I was not going to let it bother me. Here in Oregon, I find myself fighting it extra hard.

Maybe your struggle or insecurity that you are trying to overcome is something else entirely. But that doesn’t make it any less difficult or hard to push yourself out of your comfort zones. It doesn’t make it any less hard to not let them rule your life. When your insecurities become the force guiding your life, they become an idol and replace God. You begin to be defined by them, and not by how God sees you. You begin to give into them and follow their leading instead of God’s leading. You become your insecurities’ slave if you don’t ask God to help set you free from them.

While I am often tired of pushing myself or tired of following God’s voice out of my comfort zone, I am even more tired of being governed by something that makes me feel hopeless about myself and my life.

That is why I keep pushing myself to try, even if I feel like I fail most days. That is why I keep fighting even if I sometimes feel like I’m going backwards instead of forwards. That is why I keep following God’s leading to places that seem uncertain and trust He knows better.

And I know, that if he can take that little girl who was too afraid to be anything and take her to live alone in South Korea to teach for a year, then nothing is impossible for Him. I can trust He can use this timid, self-seeking, and discouraged girl to be a light for Him in this dark world in a way only He could.

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He can do the same for you. No matter what you struggle with, He can turn it around.

“Open different doors, you may find a ‘you’ there that you never knew was yours. Anything can happen.” –Mary Poppins

Blessings!

—The Adversity Rose—

Kaitlyn Rose

DREAM. PURSUE. EXPERIENCE. GROW.

This blog will cover travel, personal growth, and life in general.

Be

Kaitlyn HongLeave a comment

“It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

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I have finally motivated myself to take up my “pen” (not really—I type) and write you all again. It has been a struggle to want to write anything or know what to write. I have moved back from South Korea, but definitely feel as if I left a part of myself there. I miss my home in Daegu and all my sweet students and friends I made there. It was so sad to leave but I was also very excited to see people back home. I spent my first month back visiting with family and friends and enjoying seeing the faces I have missed. However, after that, I had to take off on my next adventure in beautiful Oregon.

I decided back in May to move to Oregon to be a trainee in a small ballet company there. I had missed dancing while I was in Korea, so I was excited to be able to move my body again. However, to be honest, I was very sad and nervous about this move. I wished I could stay longer with my loved ones, and also the pressures of what I had to do once I got to Oregon were quite overwhelming. I felt, and still feel, as if I bit off more than I could chew.

The trip to Oregon, though long, was quite exciting. My dad and I drove all the way there from Oklahoma and took a scenic route. Coming from a girl who has never been west of Oklahoma, I found the drive (once we got out of the boring plains of Oklahoma and Kansas that I was used to seeing) to be quite exciting! We drove up to Kansas, and then through Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, and Idaho before we reached Oregon. It was nice being able to stop and sight-see while we drove. My favorite was Wyoming and Yellowstone of course! The trip here was the highlight so far.

Once we arrived in Oregon, we were surprised to find out it was against the law to fill your own tank of gas. So, I am getting used to the fact I have to have someone else to do the work. Besides this unexpected news, I have settled well into my apartment and started dancing with the company. Everyone in the company is so sweet and welcoming and has such a passion to use their dancing to glorify God. It was a nice environment to be welcomed into.
Although I loved being able to dance again, I was far from where I used to be. I was very gracious towards myself in the beginning because I knew taking over a year off of dance was going to have an effect on my ability. However, I found that as weeks passed, I began to feel discouraged. I felt I was leaps behind what I used to do and even more behind what everyone else is able to do.

I also was struggling to find a job that paid well and worked with my dance schedule. It was a month before I was hired and began working. There have also been several other struggles I do not wish to name that have come with my move here.

I wish I could say I have been struggling bravely or with grace, but I have not. When life feels turbulent, it is tempting to succumb to anxiety and depression. It has been hard not to wonder if I had made a mistake or to doubt God is taking care of me. I often wonder if I misheard God or if, for once, God is not coming through. If He wasn’t coming through, there must be a reason? Did I do something wrong?
Yet, when I look back at the last three or four months and look ahead to this next month, I see that God has provided for me so far. I have made it this far. Maybe God will come through next year too. And maybe I will grow in my dancing ability.

Sometimes life can feel like a crazy, unpredictable rollercoaster ride where you are spinning and blindfolded. Sometimes you have to do something that does not makes sense to realign yourself with God. Or take a step backward in order to move forward. I feel like I have made a decision that does not make sense to me right now and feel like I’m starting from ground zero again. Yet despite all of that, I know that God is teaching me something amidst all of this even if it hurts so much. Even if my heart feels like it has a giant hole. I can trust God will fill my holes with Him and His abiding love.

Even if I do not see where my life is headed, I can trust God knows and He IS guiding me. I can trust the process. Things may not go how you want or wish them to go, but God is there with us every step of the way. I hope to one day look back on this and see the evidence of what God cultivated in and through me during this time. I also look forward to better times in the future. I am slowly learning to find peace even when my circumstances are declaring something else.

God has been teaching me to just be.

“Be still and know that I am with you.” –Psalm 46:10

 

On another note, Oregon is a very beautiful state. It is so nice so find yourself catching your breath every time you step outside or take a drive. Every now and then I glimpse snow-tipped Mt. Hood in the distance, towering majestically. Bright and colorful leaves covered the trees and ground during fall. Tall evergreen trees line the streets. It is truly breathtaking.


In University, I was taught to take “artist dates” where you go and do something once a week that brings you joy. Whether that be reading, going on a walk, drinking tea or coffee at a café, or going to a museum. So, last Saturday, I decided it was time for me to go on an artist date. I went on my first solo adventure here in Portland to the Japanese Garden Portland. I felt, for a brief moment, that I had stepped back into Japan. It was magical and so peaceful. It brought me so much peace and joy. I’m so glad I went.

Therefore, I’d like to recommend, if you are having a rough time, take some time to take your mind off your worries and have an “artist date.” Give yourself a day to rest and not think about your troubles or your to-do list. Just be.

 

Blessings!

Here are some other quick snippets from the past three months. Also, the ballet company I am a part of is preparing for our Christmas performance of “Courage, Dear Heart: A Journey Through Narnia.” We are excited!

600 days with my boy!
Celebrating 600 days at Silver Dollar City!
Happy together 🙂
Matching shirts!
My new car, Rinalina!
New hair!
I wanted this coloring so it would look pretty in braids.
The beautiful dance company!
After a performance at a local school.
Surprise Korean barbeque for my 24th birthday!
Oh blindfolds
Birthday!
My wonderful roommate and I.
Beautiful Oregon
Beautiful Oregon
Beautiful Oregon
Preparing for upcoming performance!

—The Adversity Rose—

Kaitlyn Rose

DREAM. PURSUE. EXPERIENCE. GROW.

This blog will cover travel, personal growth, and life in general.

Realigning and Refocusing with the New Year

Kaitlyn HongLeave a comment

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates. — Thomas Szasz

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2019. It is hard to believe it is a new year already. There is the cliché saying of “New Year, New You” that always gets passed around at the beginning of the year. However, I’ve also seen the parallel these past few weeks: “New Year, Same Me.” People always joke about how their New Year’s resolutions fail before they even start. It is all very funny and painfully true, but I find it often gives a view of failure to the beginning of the year. I know whenever I make goals, I often fail. It is not easy to make new habits. However, the only way to succeed is to keep trying. Try and try again. So yes, this post will be the typical cliché post of “New Year, New You” because I know it is always good to take some time to reassess your life and come up with some goals for the future.

I want my motto for this month to be “Realigning.” Today, I found myself sitting down and reassessing how I was living my life now. I realize I have a lot of areas in my life that need “realigned.” I seem to have allowed myself to get caught up in things that used to mean nothing to me. Although I embrace some of the changes, there are some changes that I do not want to be a part of my life. It is easy to forget that every day matters in the pursuit of becoming the person God has called you to be.

I have wasted so many hours on social media and Netflix since coming here, and wasted more money than I would have liked as well. I need to realign my priorities and remember my time here isn’t meant to be wasted. I’ve been learning a lot about myself on this trip, and when I mean learning about myself, I don’t really mean the good things. I’ve come to realize so many faults that I had never paid attention to before. One fault would be my complete lack of self-control in my life. Hence why I wasted so much of my time and money.

I have not given myself time to do the things I really enjoy doing or the things that are really important to me. So, I have decided I need to do a full realignment and reassessment of my life. In order to realign myself, I will need to create boundaries for myself and keep to those boundaries. I have learned a lot about the importance of boundaries the past year and a half, and how boundaries help you maintain a healthy and happy life. However, because of my lack of self-control, I tend to not do my boundaries any justice.

It is my hope that as I continue to focus on making boundaries and listening to those boundaries, I will learn some much needed self-control.

One thing I’ve found that really helps me clear my mind and allow myself to think and plan is decluttering, organizing, and cleaning the space I live and work in. There is something so stressful about messes. I always feel happier and more at peace after I’ve deep-cleaned my room. Clutter does not add anything to your life and I believe it actually takes away from it. The first time I had this realization was right after coming back from Japan after having lived out of a suitcase for a month. Man, did that help me see what I could and could not live without.

Because I find this extremely helpful, I found myself decluttering my apartment today. I always do a relatively deep-clean on the weekends (some deeper than others), but I have not reorganized my space since when I first arrived here. Oh, did it feel good to see my space (closets, cabinets, and all) organized and clean. It truly helped me feel like I had some breathing room. Maybe it is because of this that I was able to sit down and think about what I wanted to for this month, this period spent in Korea, and this year. It is always nice to realize some new dreams or be reminded what your dreams were.

I found this quote, the quote I am using open up my post, “People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates” (Thomas Szasz). Something about it really rang true to me and I like this idea. It reminds me that we have full control over who we become. It also inspires the artist in me to create. Whenever I create, I feel closer to God than most other times. God is the greatest Artist, and He lives in us and guides us! He created me, and gave me power to decide what I will do with the life He has given to me. However, I would not want to live a life that is not guided and orchestrated by the greatest Artist of all.

One of my goals coming to South Korea was to discover myself. I wanted to see what I like and do not like. I wanted to explore. This was one of the goals that I had to remind myself of today. Social Media is not going to help me discover anything, but rather waste all the time I could have been using to try new things or cultivate what I already know!

I am also reminded that small things often lead to big things. I should not look down on small things just because they are small. Small things are often the most important things in life, especially in relationships. I am not the best at doing these important small things, but I hope to continually become better.

I am actually very grateful for this year alone in another country (almost like a break—a crazy, busy break—from what I am used to) where I can sift through all these thoughts, feelings, emotions, and struggles and come to terms with what it is I really want to do. I am not saying that I will have all the answers after this trip (far from it). I’m just saying I will be at a better place with myself, even if I come back clueless about what the next step is in my life. Suddenly, I am not as scared of the future as I used to be.

The future used to seem so dark, mysterious, and dangerous. I was afraid of what I might become. Now I can say God will keep helping and leading and guiding me through every step of the way.

So, my (not-so-knowledgeable) advice to anyone reading this is to clear and clean your space and then sit down and dream a little. Come up with some goals. Think about your previous year, the good and the bad. I truly believe it helps make the start of a new year a little bit fresher!

P.S. the Kon Mari method really does help!

P.S.S. Here is a quick look at my Christmas break!

—The Adversity Rose—

Kaitlyn Rose

DREAM. PURSUE. EXPERIENCE. GROW.

This blog will cover travel, personal growth, and life in general.

Courageous or Comfortable? : Learning to Face Your Fears

Kaitlyn HongLeave a comment

All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. –Walt Disney

woman sitting on mountain
Photo by Lukas Hartmann on Pexels.com

If I could think of one thing that keeps me from chasing my dreams and the plan God has for me, it would be fear. Fear keeps me comfortable, complacent, and safe, but also keeps me from changing. I do not know about you, but I do not want to remain the same person I am today. I want to continue to grow, mature, and develop. If I never change, then how can I change my circumstances? Although fear is not necessarily something to disregard and never listen to, it is something that can hold you back.

In the last post, I briefly mentioned my term “practicality thinking.”  Practicality thinking, as stated before, keeps us safe, tries to protect us, and is not entirely evil. Sometimes that fear can keep us alive and well. But we cannot let that fear have control over our decisions. In “Big Magic” by Elizabeth Gilbert, she mentions how we should not try to rid ourselves of our fears. Instead, we should acknowledge that those fears are there and give them permission to be in the car with you while letting them know they are not going to be making any decisions and are not allowed to touch the driver’s wheel. I thought this was an interesting idea since I had always thought that it was better if I could rid myself of those fears that hold me back completely. But now I believe those fears are there to help us become stronger the more we overcome those fears. That’s why it is called “overcoming fears.”

I think this can help us to see fears as something that will always be a part of our lives but we have the choice of not listening to them. In order to chase the dreams in our hearts, we will have to overcome a lot of our fears.

As a shy girl, I had many fears. Fears that still try to take control of my life today. Many times, I have allowed those fears to define my life and only a few times gained enough courage to tell my fears “no, I will do it anyway.” It came to the point two years ago where I began to believe I would not be able to do anything I wanted to do. I saw myself as a turtle who would curl up in its shell for protection whenever I saw something that made me afraid. And after being tired of facing fears and failing to face fears, I was tempted to curl in my shell forever and give up. I was ready to give up on being me and just allow myself to coast through life. I wanted to give up on my dreams and just live a comfortable life where I do not have to do things that stretched me any longer. When I thought about what my future would look like through that lens, life seemed grey and pointless. I knew I had to fight something if I didn’t want that life I pictured to come into fruition.

Last year, I dared myself to dream again despite my fears of dreaming. This year, I’ve decided to face some fears that stand in the way of my dreams. Here are some fears that I believed and allowed to control my life:

What if I never do what I want to do? What if I never become the person I want to become?

What if I say something stupid and embarrass myself?

What if I can’t do it? What if I fail?

What if they don’t like me? What if they think I am weird?

What if they are not really my friends and they leave me?

What if bad things happen if I do that?

What if I don’t like it and can’t back out?

What if this person decides they don’t like me anymore?

If I get into this relationship, what if they start liking someone better than me and leave me?

What if I chose to get into this relationship and it doesn’t work out so we break-up?

What if I’m hurt by this decision or this person?

What if I’m not good enough?

What if I’m not perfect? 

These are a few examples of fears I had and still have that I have allowed to define my life. Some of them came from past experiences of hurt and pain, whereas others are fears that seem to come out of nowhere. We must not allow those fears to guide our lives, but we can use them to be more cautious in our choices. After we have thought over, prayed, wrestled with a decision, we can decide whether or not it is worth the risk.

For example, two years ago I was debating whether or not to go on a mission’s trip with my university. I was afraid of committing in case I did not raise the money in time to go and would have to publicly step down. I did not believe I would be able to raise all the money. However, it occurred to me that if I did not try, I would always wonder what would have happened if I had tried.

I had this same mindset when I decided to apply for teaching English in South Korea. I was terrified out of my mind into committing to the idea for so many reasons, but I knew I would forever regret and wonder if I did not try. If I did not show myself it was possible for me to have the courage to do this, then how could I believe in myself for future endeavors? If I disappointed myself in one area, I will discourage myself from trying in other areas as well.

We must cling to some courage to face our fears as if our life depended on it, because if you want growth and change in your life you will have to take some risks. “You can be comfortable or courageous, but you cannot be both” (Brene Brown).

You cannot change inside your comfort zone, and you cannot chase your dreams either. So, if you are up to change and chasing dreams, you must be ready to say goodbye to your comfort zone.

Since facing fears has not been an easy task for me, I had to approach it differently than I normally would. I would first identify what were some fears that kept me from doing things I wanted to do. Then, I decided how much I wanted the dream to come true and whether or not I would be disappointed in myself for not doing it. I then allowed myself to think about how I felt in the past when I did not do something I wanted to do because of fear and imagined how I would feel if I allowed fear to win again. Would I regret not facing this fear later? Would I wonder what would have happened if I had done it? If I knew that I would have any regret in choosing comfort over my dreams, I would force myself to do it and tell myself to just try. I would remind myself that no matter what the outcome, at least I did not allow fear to decide and did not allow myself to regret choosing comfort. This way, I am seeing these opportunities less as whether I would fail or not, but rather as opportunities of growth from doing something I was scared to do. Also, so that I could be proud that I faced my fears even if the opportunity did not go well and I would know that I tried.

This has helped me in making decisions for chasing my dreams, and I haven’t regretted those decisions so far. I know this is only one step towards realizing my dreams, but at least it prevents me from staying complacent and fear-driven. I hope this give you another perspective on how to overcome some fears you have. You only have to start with one at a time. The more you conquer, the more confident you will be in taking the next steps towards your dream. Start small if you have to.

So which will you choose? Courageously pursuing your dream or comfortably complacent with the life you live now?

Here is a small list of things that scared me that I did this year (some small, some big):

Got into my first relationship

Applied for an English Teacher Recruiting Company

Interviewed for a job

Signed a contract for teaching English for a year in South Korea

Prayed in a group setting

Started a blog and shared it with friends and family

 

Good luck on facing your fears!

—The Adversity Rose—

Kaitlyn Rose

DREAM. PURSUE. EXPERIENCE. GROW.

This blog will cover travel, personal growth, and life in general.

 

 

Remembering How to Dream

Kaitlyn HongLeave a comment

You have to dream before your dreams can come true.—A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

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This may seem silly to say, but in order to pursue your dreams, you must have dreams to pursue. Many people do not know what their dreams are…or if you were like me, maybe you have forgotten how to dream at all. We must remember how to dream so that we can start on this adventure of living the life of your dreams. Some people may scoff or laugh at this concept of “remembering how to dream” but I know it was a reality in my life and I’m sure in many others as well.

For the longest time, I refused to allow myself to dream anything except for some simple and normal things: to graduate from college, to get married, be a mom, to serve God however He wanted me to. These things are not unimportant (some being very important and real dreams), but they are also what we were kind of taught to dream. It’s what we see people do, it’s what we hear about. I never dreamed anything outside of those and if I ever felt dreams tickle my mind or felt my heart whisper—I did not listen. I was forcing myself to forget my dreams because of fear…because of “practicality thinking” (a term I have decided to deem those thoughts as). Why would I not allow myself to dream?

One big reason was because I did not believe I could do any of those things that did try to make its way out. Like my last post, that was because of some self-hate and lack of self-confidence. Learning to love yourself will help you remember to dream again. As Walt Disney said, “If you can dream it, you can do it.” Another major reason was because I truly believed that if I voiced or acknowledged any of my dreams that God would take them away. I knew God wanted Himself to be number one in our lives and often require us to surrender ourselves, our worries, and our dreams to Him. I was silly enough to think that if I did not dream, maybe I would trick God and it would happen anyways, or that the disappointment of having an unrealized dream would be less painful if I never dreamed it.

How sorely wrong I was…

Instead I found myself hurting because I was not realizing ANY dreams and felt like I did not have any idea what to do with my life (not that dreaming would help me know which direction to go). Also, there is a verse in the Bible that says “Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it” (Luke 17:33). I believe a similar result will come to those who try to keep their dreams. I was being selfish and trying to keep my dreams by not dreaming at all, but instead of keeping them, I was losing them. God is not so cruel as to take away everything we dream. But He does want to make sure we are in the right place with the right heart attitude as we pursue those dreams. I believe God placed dreams in our heart and wishes to give us those dreams as long as He is put first. “Delight in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart” (Ps. 37:4). That does not mean we seek Him because we want those desires, but rather to see this as a promise that as long as we are seeking God and following Him, He WILL give us those desires.

Other reasons for me not dreaming were from my “practicality thinking.” I often would think things like, “Well, if I do this then I can’t do that” or “No one would like this or care about this” or “My parents won’t let me do this” or “People will laugh at me if I do this.” These are what I call “practicality thinking.” They are fears that may or may not be irrational; fears we believe, fears we succumb to, fears we use as excuses, fears we let drive our lives. This fear will be with us wherever we go, no matter how much we have grown or changed. They will never leave us.

“Practicality thinking” keeps us safe, tries to protect us, and is not entirely evil. However, while it may not be all bad, it is not all good either. Some fears are irrational. Most fears will not end your life. And all will keep you inside your box of comfort never allowing you to leave unless you go against the voice telling you “Stooop!” Yes, this voice may be right sometimes. Yes, maybe those fears might become a reality. But this voice will also prevent you from chasing your dreams and keep you from growing.  I will go more into this fear in my next post.

Returning to this idea of remembering how to dream, we must not allow any of these fears, doubts, or struggles to prevent us from dreaming.

A year ago, I remembered how to dream. It was awkward (and still is occasionally), but it has brought me back to life and placed more hope in me than I had had in a long time. How did I remember how to dream?

First, I had to realize that I was loved and learn to love myself (if you struggle with this refer to my last post, “You Are Capable”). After that, I had to realize it was okay to dream those dreams that scare you. Remember “if you can dream it, you can do it”? Well, do not doubt in your capabilities. It may take some time to gain confidence in your ability to achieve your dreams, but you must disregard the fear of failure and allow yourself to dream. It will feel uncomfortable and it may feel like there is a war going on inside you, but you must push those aside and allow yourself to dream about what could be. What are some desires, interests, wishes you have that maybe you never thought you could do or have? Write them down, no matter how crazy they can be. If the voice of your “practicality thinking” is too loud, you can write down those thoughts and fears leaving blank space between each of them and then go back to fill in the blank space with why you are afraid of this, what is the worst that can happen if the fear came true, and how you can overcome it if it did happen. Finally, write a positive affirmation/statement contradicting the original fear you wrote down describing why you CAN do it. This is an exercise I took from The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron and Artist of Life 2018 Workbook by Aileen Xu of Lavendaire.

Unhinge yourself from those thoughts, fears, and lies so that you can truly be free to dream those crazy, bizarre, ridiculous dreams. Write down even the small dreams up to the very big ones. Just go crazy. Remember that you are relearning how to dream, so you must not throw away even the silly desires that pop up. Don’t judge. Just write down any dreams that come to you. If you still are struggling with where to start, here are some prompts to think about to help you get started:
Where would you like your health to be?

What are some small interests and hobbies you wish you could do?

What are somethings you want to learn?

What kind of home, clothes, and life do you want to have?

Where would you like to live?

How do you want to feel about yourself?

What do you want to do?

Just write down anything that comes to mind while thinking about these questions. Do not be critical. Do not be negative. Do not allow your “practicality thinking” and fears to plug up your ability to dream wildly and freely.

After you have written them all down, either mark with a star or make a separate list of the most important dreams—the ones that mean the most to you or you want the most—and then make a daily or monthly plan on how you will achieve your dream. I did this same exercise a year ago. Seriously. I wrote down all those crazy dreams even though I thought it was silly. I knew I needed to relearn how to dream. Then I selected the dreams that were most important to me or wanted the most. I wrote down steps to achieving those dreams in very small simple steps. I looked at the first step, the easiest step, and then I started working towards those dreams a little every day. Of course, I was not perfect. I missed days, weeks, and months out of laziness and procrastination, but instead of beating myself up I just told myself to try again and take the next step.

I will use an example of one of my dreams:

Dream: Live in Asia

How: Teaching English

I had absolutely NO idea how to do this and it seemed so impossible at the time, but I remembered I had to start somewhere. So as step one, I looked up requirements and ‘how to’s on Google. Yeah. I looked up “How to move to Asia” on Google and I found some helpful tips. I looked on my university’s job portal for any English teaching jobs in Asia and saved them. I looked at requirements. I looked at any job offerings that interested me. I talked to a friend who had just come back from teaching South Korea about her experience. I found a recruiting company that recruits English teachers in South Korea, I read reviews on them, looked at their job postings, their steps, their applications, and saved it for another day. Then I began collecting a few small items I would need to apply to the recruiting company, knowing that having a recruiter to help me along the way would make it more likely that I would go.

A few months went by where I thought, debated, prayed, and wrestled with whether or not I would apply. February this year, I decided to just take the first step and apply because I knew I would be disappointed in myself if I didn’t. So, I applied. I was interviewed two days later and was accepted. Several panicked, stressful, terrifying steps later (and after a lot of checking and researching that this was not a scam), I find myself here in the final steps of attaining my visa and planning to leave August 19th.

I have used this as an example many times because a year ago this was on the list of dreams that I said “Psh…This will never happen. I’m too scared to do it, I do not even know where to start, I probably won’t do this.” I’d like to tell myself a year ago, “Kaitlyn, you CAN do it. Just don’t give up!” I won’t say it was a breezy, happy, non-stressful experience to get me to where I am now, but I do not regret this. It’s forcing me out of my comfort zone towards something I always wished I was brave enough to do.

AND…it all started with writing down all those bizarre, crazy dreams.

So, I’m here to tell you to dream big dreams! Allow yourself to dream. Allow yourself to believe in yourself. Allow yourself to love yourself. Allow yourself to push aside those fears and “practicality thinking” so that you can dream those wild dreams.

It’s time we remember how to dream. Dream—so that you can have dreams to pursue.

—The Adversity Rose—

Kaitlyn Rose

DREAM. PURSUE. EXPERIENCE. GROW.

This blog will cover travel, personal growth, and life in general.

Change Starts Today

Kaitlyn HongLeave a comment

It’s the job that’s never started that takes the longest to finish. — JRR Tolkien

red and green tree leaves on a sunny day
Photo by le vy on Pexels.com

Most people who pursue change in lifestyle, circumstance, mindset, and many other places come to a point of saying, “I’m tired of living the way I’m living now. I want to change.” I think this is an important milestone to reach. Today I will be talking about how to begin the journey of change. Change is important in life, as the seasons of our lives change continually and we must change with them. However, in some areas of our lives, we freeze out of fear or doubt and refuse to allow ourselves to grow. Therefore, in order to change your life and how you view yourself, you must realize you want to change. You have to come to a place where you say that you no longer want to deal with the hurt, anger, depression, bitterness, lack of self-confidence, and self-hate (to name a few) and you are looking for a way out.

After going through a dark period, I was looking for a way out. I was tired of living in the timid, self-hating, doubt-filled life I was living. During this period, I took a bold step to sign up for a Mission’s trip with my university. I’ve been on Mission’s trips before, but unlike other times, I did not foresee this trip happening. The only reason I decided to do it was because I knew I would regret not trying. And I was tired of regretting everything I did not do. So, I signed up even though I did not believe it would happen. I felt God challenging me to trust in Him and so I told Him, “If You want me to go, You have to provide the funds.”

Four months later, all the funds were in and I was preparing to go to Japan, a dream of mine for who knows how long.

While I could go on and on about how amazing the trip was and how much I loved Japan, I feel the most important point is that I CHOSE to try and signed up for the trip. And I didn’t regret it. Around this time, I was reading the book No Matter What: The Art of Going For It by Kevin Knox and I came across this quote that really stood out, “how you live today is how you’ll live everyday” (43). This quote blew my mind. Of course, if I want to make changes, the best time to do it is now. Change starts today.

If you want your life to change, you must start today. Set goals, make a plan, break it down, and start somewhere even if you don’t know where to start. I have wanted to teach English in Asia since I was thirteen years old. When I came back from Japan last year, I knew that’s what I wanted to do after graduation. But I had NO IDEA how to start. However, I knew I had to start somewhere. So, I started with looking up how to do it on Google and began looking into the requirements.

Now I’m here, preparing my Visa, have a signed contract for a job, and am preparing to leave in August. How crazy is that?

You want to know something even crazier? You can change your life and achieve your dreams too! I know you can. I believe in you. Because I’m doing something I thought I would never be able to do because I was too scared to do it. I thought I could not trust myself to go after the desires of my heart. But I can. And so can you.

So here is a quick summary of how I began my journey of changing my life:

How do you change your life?

  • Decide you want to change
  • Realize you have the power to take control of your life
  • Trust you are capable of changing and fully capable in achieving your dreams
  • Start today
  • Just GO for it

Remember, change starts today. Do not wait for an unknown tomorrow.

—The Adversity Rose–

Kaitlyn Rose

DREAM. PURSUE. EXPERIENCE. GROW.

This blog will cover travel, personal growth, and life in general.

Let the Adventures Begin!

Kaitlyn HongLeave a comment

Our life is no dream; but it ought to become one, and perhaps  will. — Novalis

adventure calm clouds dawn
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Thanks for joining me!

I decided to start this blog to document my attempt to take charge of my life and achieve my dreams. How will I take charge of my life? How will it be different than before? Well, I am about to embark on some crazy, terrifying, challenging adventures to push myself out of my comfort zone. I invite anyone reading this to join me in this journey!

So why am I embarking on this challenging adventure anyways?

A year and a half ago, I found myself looking into my future and becoming depressed by what I saw. I did not love myself or the place I was in and I was struggling with so many difficulties. I had chopped of my hair which was a surprising blow to my self-confidence, broke out in the worst acne case I had ever had (which demolished the rest of my self-confidence), had family difficulties which threw me into depression, took a class that forced me to figure out the finer details of my future (and it did not look bright), and struggled with self-hate and jealousy (honesty at its finest). It was not until I took a crazy leap of faith and went on a mission’s trip to Japan that God reminded me the importance of dreaming. Dreaming helps us have hope for the future, and boy, do we need hope. God showed me that I can change and, with His help, I can chase after the dreams He placed in my heart.

I am in the process of getting my visa to teach English in South Korea, which has been a dream of mine since I was thirteen years old. It has been deep in my heart for so long, but I never thought I was brave or bold enough to actually pursue what to me was a crazy dream. Yet, here I am preparing to go in August! So, I am writing this blog in hope that it will encourage others to take charge of their lives and to achieve their own dreams. However, I do not wish to pretend to know all the answers. I’m learning too, so  I would like to invite anyone to take up this challenge with me and maybe we can grow together.

Are you up for the challenge?

—The Adversity Rose–

Kaitlyn Rose

DREAM. PURSUE. EXPERIENCE. GROW.

This blog will cover travel, personal growth, and life in general.