Learning to Trust God—Again and Again

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understandings.–Proverbs 3:5

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One thing about learning to trust in God is you never stop learning. It is silly, but I think I thought that since I learned to trust in God once before that I would continue to know how to trust Him. However, this is obviously not true. I have come to this realization again and again, but I somehow still forget. It has been a long time since I have written a blog post and it is because of several reasons. One, I have been ridiculously busy here in South Korea and every time I thought about writing a post, I would remember I could not because I had to write comments on how students were doing in my classes for their parents or had a ton of journals, books, etc. to grade. Two, I felt I lost all of my inspiration all of the sudden. I did not know what to write about. I was struggling with handling stress and situations, and then I had the same silly realization: I needed to learn how to trust God again with another area of my life.

I suddenly had something I wanted to write about, but these past four to six weeks have been so crazy, I knew I would not have time until this weekend. If I would even have time this weekend. However, I really want to write this blog post and I know I need to update my life to family and friends, so here I am. This is a much-needed update.

Teaching has been quite the experience. I realize just how much teachers sacrifice their time, energy, and money pouring into their students. I really want to do my best for these kids. Often, I feel I am less than and not properly equipped enough to teach them, but I do give what I have. I adore the students and enjoy being with them even if some days I am tired of them. There are always those days I wish they would just be quiet and listen and not cause trouble.

Grading is a beast that never dies. You are never done grading. After every lesson there is more to grade. I feel I am constantly sitting with a red pen grading some kid’s work. It can become tiring, but usually I do not mind doing it. I still get really excited to teach the kids certain things, and have a lot of fun teaching them those subjects. It is great when the students affirm you by saying, “This is my favorite class!” However, there are those several classes that the students say are boring. It makes me wonder if I am just a boring teacher. Which maybe I am.

Anyways, sometime in October I was able to take a quick weekend trip to the DMZ and Seoraksan National Park. It is definitely my favorite trip so far. The DMZ was interesting, eye-opening, and quite sobering. Knowing you are standing on ground that was a battle-ground, seeing signs warning of mines and littered bullets covering the grass can do that to you.

Seoraksan was breath-takingly beautiful. No words could describe and no pictures could do it justice. I wish I could stay there for a few days longer.

After that weekend, it was back to work. I was able to take a few dance classes which was really fun and it felt great to move my body. However, I quickly became too busy and had to take a break from going to the dance classes. That busy spell lasted four weeks. Four weeks of grading, teaching, test-giving, comment-writing, and parent-observing. It was not until those weeks were over that I felt I could breath again. I feel sorry for all my friends and family back home because I rarely spoke to anyone during that period. The weekends that followed were full of overdue video call dates. My birthday happened somewhere in there too.

One thing I feel I have not had a good break from is feeling sick. I would get sick, get better, get sick, get better, have allergy problems, and get sick again. I am currently overcoming the flu right now. I am quite ready to be healthy and whole and not to feel so tired all the time. I need some energy.

I had been struggling a lot with trusting in God through this period of being in South Korea. I felt a lot of things were going on and I was not dealing with them as well as I wanted to. I realized it was because I had forgotten that I don’t have to carry all of it on my own shoulders. So, the past two weeks I have been focusing on giving God my worries and trusting Him to figure them out. I have also been trying to focus on taking care of myself. Going to bed on time and eating better.

It has not been easy. I have cried more the past month than I have in a long time. Part of it was because of frustrations. Part of it was because of exhaustion. Part of it was because I was missing people and home. Holiday season is a hard time to be away from home. However, I am quite excited about the Christmas season, as it is my favorite season of the year. I love Christmas.

I hope it does not sound like my experience here has been all negative. It is not true at all! I love these kids and they seem to love me too. They tell me everyday they love me. I even had a student tell me I was his favorite teacher. I also had the wonderful experience of finally watching The Lion King musical which was wonderful. And I get to travel some more in a couple of weeks! I am excited to see how God continues to grow me during my time here. I hope things even out soon, and get even better!

I am hoping I can write more posts! We shall see….

—The Adversity Rose—

Kaitlyn Rose

DREAM. PURSUE. EXPERIENCE. GROW.

This blog will cover travel, personal growth, and life in general.

One thought on “Learning to Trust God—Again and Again

  1. Anna December 1, 2018 / 2:33 am

    What a wonderful lesson to learn! God is indeed our constant source and provider. You have been coping so well, and it is exciting to hear all about your kids and the beautiful places you get to see! I pray you continue to trust God and find all your strength in him.

    Liked by 1 person

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